I would be caught in a lie if I said this was not the most last minute daily blog yet, I mean really it’s 11:10. I’ve just been really busy with working and have time priorities. Sleep is scarce. By the end of the week however I should have a decent sized stockpile to keep this going. A few reviews and some picture blogs are planned out. The picture blogs are a attempt to drive more traffic to my social networks that act as a subscribe button to this blog. See, I told you I would be upfront. My reviews however can not be bought so easily from me, I always say the truth even if it fucking hurts. Personal connections to the authors, bloggers, and anyone else I am reviewing have not been taken into account while writing. I lose friends over this shit, get blocked by connections and shut out of inner circles. Sorry for the crappy post and I hope I have enough time to write a decent one tomorrow.
Where does this leave us, one month later. It sure has been a strange experiment. Daily blog posting has helped me more than it restricted me in most of the cases. Some days there were struggles on what to post and many last minute posts. Its a strange thing to start thinking with a writers mind. Watch every episode of Californication, good show right? Then do a month of daily writing your thoughts and re-watch them, you will understand everything to a more personal basis. Also having a lot of pointless sex can do that if you want a quick way. I would recommend daily writing. I sure as hell will continue it for as long as I feel I need to use my keyboard as a personal therapist. The day marker in the title though, that shit has to go. It’s being replaced with a number. Like today is entitled One month later, a reflection on a personal journey. #33 it just flows smoother. Today though I will leave you with a Hank Moody quote “I went there to kick his ass, I stayed there to soak up his wisdom.”
I have done my work for today, completed my tasks that started as one large one quickly finished and then all of a sudden poof. The door walks open and suddenly everything is not good enough, but stuff changes. This was different though, the look in the eyes of him as he told me I had one more step to complete it was almost evil. The look in my eyes, shock. This was not my fault, this was his. He had set the guidelines at the start, and seemingly purposely tweaked it a small bit that would cause hours more of work, strain. Now this I know he did to make me have more work, a lot more work. It’s only if he did it knowingly or somewhere deep in his brain he just tweaked it enough to cause hours more of strain and had a tiny albeit smile and look in his eyes that told me he knew that he had done this. Now could I quit, sure. The income is not a issue. I have enough saved and make enough freelancing and online every month that I’m not long away from just doing that full time either. For now though I must stick with where I am at cause I get the freedom to mostly work on other things, sure there might be a bad day every few days, but in those few days I get a lot of personal stuff done. Who knows where I might grow to be given the good days keep coming and I get more content flowing through me. One thing is for sure though, it’s going to be blogged. Well two things is for sure, Its also going to be a unexpected ride.
More recently I have found that blogging is more about the blogger than the content. It’s about getting your thoughts out so you don’t have to keep them bottled up inside. When I started my first blog about five years ago it was the ‘in’ thing. How all the cool kids we’re making there online big bucks. My blog failed fast, I guess you can’t just go after something for the tons of cash some people make doing it. It almost will never go right for you. Thats where I failed. No I do supervise a few blogs but its for purely profit on my part and I never write a line of text, just make sure the site is up and the queue is full. This is my new personal blog, I’m going at it again but not for profit reasons. Hell I even took the one google ad I had off because it made the site look trashy. If it ever comes to the point where I am able to make money off of it I may refuse. It will earn me enough just keeping my mind clear for other projects. Its a personal diary, without all that “She looked at me today.” bullshit. It’s about my life but more importantly my thoughts and state of mind. I don’t even read back over them after they are written because that was a problem I had on the last blog I wrote. I was too busy worrying about what other people would think about the writing and more importantly what potential sponsors would think of it that by the time the post was published it was totally different than what my thoughts were. This time I don’t care how many typo and grammar errors there is I will not look back over the damn thing because I know it will prompt me to change something in fear of what someone could think. Fuck that. I will personally send this blog link to everybody I know and not give a fuck what they think about me after reading it because its my thoughts. The the precise reason I think this blog will never gain a steady view ship but thats okay with me. I don’t have it for that reason its so I don’t end up in therapy because this is my therapy. I find myself writing randomly throughout the day and being more calm the rest of the time. Hell I have plenty of posts queued up so when life gets in the way the daily blogs wont stop. The rate I’m going I’ll be a month ahead in a week. I like writing, a lot. My MacBook Pro keyboard is starting to wear out, iPad is constantly dead from too much blogging, and my iPhone is my last resort to write and even that has a dozen blog posts under it’s belt. This has lit a fire I hope will never burn out, but if it does the blogs will be stock piled up so high it’ll take months to start seeing the effect. My goal has been to write one to three posts a day depending on the inspiration, I somedays go way past that and find myself clicking away at four in the morning. It’s nice to get this stuff out there.